I decided to start a new blog, rather than try to revive an old one. I look at my Wild Animals blog, and think wow - things were so different back then. It's hard to say whether I'm the one who has really changed. But, the hopeful Christian journey that I was on then is now over. I tried another blog for a while, Divine Introverts, but I was struggling so much with sadness and hopelessness during that season. I ended up deleting most of my blogs - words at that time were simply inadequate to capture the depth of my turmoil and disillusionment.
I finally realize that I need to try to get back into the habit of writing. Perhaps no one will ever read it. Blogging isn't "in" anymore since the blogging community migrated over to facebook. This is a likelihood I have to acknowledge and hopefully be able to find the heart to write anyway.
I decided to call this blog "Mumblings of a Crazy Lady" because really, I would be considered the crazy one in today's world. I'm out of step with nearly everyone around me, my values and interests and thoughts are different. But I think of Anna in the bible (see, I used to read that book every day so I know). She was certainly considered a little off. Apparently she hung around the temple all day long, walking around muttering. But, according to the story, she was one of the ancient prophets who understood the importance of the coming Christ child. And one of the honored old ones to get to see him before she ended her earthly journey.
I also think of a facebook page I enjoy, "The Shamanic View of Mental Illness." This page promotes the idea that most mentally ill people aren't ill at all. They're aware, they're sensitive, and way too much of both to handle the world who treats them as though they're the crazy ones. I've tried to learn about shamanism from reading online, since it's such a foreign thing in our culture. But truthfully, I think it's a lot like trying to read about what it's like to learn to ride a bicycle. You probably have to experience it it get it.
If I could find my own shaman, maybe this person could help me make more sense of why I am the way I am, and what I am doing here on earth. But since that's not likely to happen, maybe eventually I can find a way to be my own shaman.
